ERRONEOUS WAY TO LOVE pt24

I really couldn’t sleep that Sunday, the next
day nor the day after, as my body, soul and
spirit revolted. They clashed and fought
each other for supremacy over the control
of my heart. I was terribly lost, dejected and
confused. I really couldn’t believe i was
thinking over Emmanuel’s request, nor
considering seeing him again.
“Am i still in love with him?, why am i
having all these confusions in my head??,
what of Samuel?? Ain’t i supposed to think
only of him, am i mentally sick or what??” i
kept asking myself as i searched my mind
for hidden answers.
“Am i even in love with Samuel, or am i just
using the poor boy to satisfy my lonely
self? Chie i don die” i do end up crying with
guilt, disbelief and remorse.

I had no one to share my problems with,
and Mariam who could have helped, really
proved to be on Samuel’s side, so i feared
she might report everything to him, if i
should open up to her.
The week slowly crept by without
Emmanuel showing up nor disturbing me. I
tried my best to make good use of my time,
concentrated on my studies and returned
Emmanuel’s love. It really helped me get
back some of my confidence, but at night it
really was a terrible story. Emmanuel’s
image kept appearing in my head.
As a girl i carried my secrets without
revealing nothing to anyone. If
Samuel noticed the change in me, he never
showed it nor asked any probing questions.
I equally avoided Mariam to the extent i
only saw her only thrice that week.

10 AM SATURDAY MORNING
I was on my way to my hair dresser’s salon
when i ran into Emmanuel at the hostel
gate.
“Why are you here?” i asked coldly. He just
smiled and stared at me all over.
“I came to see you my dear, good morning”
he murmured. I sighed, pushed him out of
my way and walked towards my
destination. He instantly ran and held my
right hand strongly.
“Where are you going? I can drop you” he
offered and pointed to an ash -coloured
Nissan Primera car.
“You wan show me say you don buy old
model car abi??” I scoffed, gave him an
askance look and tried to continue with my
journey, but he still held me strongly and
stared into my eyes pleadingly.
“Please it won’t do you any harm, moreover
we can discuss as i drive you to where ever
you are going” he pleaded. I breathed
deeply, looked around, saw no familar face
within the premises, and nodded,
“Alright, but i will never enter your car ever
again” i muttered,
“No wahala, thanks dear” he accepted
happily, rushed to his car, opened the
passenger’s door, helped me in, sat on the
driver’s seat, switched on his car engine,
backed out the car and stared at me
searchingly.
“You can drive to Dora’s salon, i want to re-
touch my hair” i commanded. He smiled,
floored the accelerator and drove towards
Dora’s salon.
“I never knew you still patronize her, i
thought you always complained that she
cuts your hair each time she touches it??”
he asked. I looked away and smiled to
myself.
“So he still do remember how i complained
about Dora during the days we were
together, years ago” i reasoned with
disbelief.
We soon arrived at the hair dressing salon.
He parked his car on a good spot, killed the
engine and stared at me.
“I will wait for you” he murmured,
“No don’t bother, thanks” i replied a bit
coldly,
“I insist dear” he strongly added. I breathed
deeply, shrugged and got out from his car.
“Why do i always end up playing this dirty
game with him, how will all these end?” i
wondered as i walked into the salon.
He sat in his car and waited for me, while i
sat in the salon and kept praying to Mother
Mary to help, guide and protect me from
the dangerous path i was walking into…
A woman’s life is very complicated and
uncertain, but male folks never seem to
understand or notice…
_______________________
“Emmanuel we can never be together again,
all i can offer you this moment is only
friendship, how many times do you want me
to repeat this, please stop wasting your
time with me and search for another” i
pleaded quietly as we headed back to my
lodge after i was done fixing my hair.
He frowned slightly, stared at me for a
while and drove on silently.
Thinking over everything as i fixed my hair,
i came to the conclusion that perhaps i
wasn’t destined to be with him, because i
really didn’t see any good reason why he
even abandoned me in the first place. Yet i
also couldn’t deny that i wasn’t feeling
something for him, even though it wasn’t
strong enough to make me risk my
relationship with Samuel.
Emmanuel drove on silently until we got to
my lodge. He killed the car engine and
stared at me pointedly,
“Atleast can i have your phone number
please” he begged,
“No Emmanuel i can’t, i really do need to
forget everything about you and so do you”
i confessed. He swallowed hard, drew a bit
closer and held my left hand softly.
“Why are you resisting me so strongly?” he
asked quietly.
“You are not giving me fair hearing, please
allow me to explain why i kept away from
you” he begged.
“No explanation can justify what you did,
please i beg of you, stop disturbing me” i
pleaded, snatched my hand from his grasp
and ran out of his car. He quickly followed
me, but unluckily for me, i ran into
Samuel who was standing beside the hostel
gate with an empty galon in his hand.
I panicked and gasped, while
Emmanuel equally stopped, stared at us for
a while, turned back, entered his car and
drove off as if he understood.
Samuel silently stared at me with surprise. I
really was at lost on what to say or how to
explain myself, because he clearly saw both
of us even before we did see him, and i
knew there is no way he wouldn’t put the
whole scene together.
I quickly ran to my room without saying
anything to him, expecting him to run after
me, but he didn’t, instead went ahead with
his own business.
______
I rushed and prepared beans for lunch as i
waited for him to show up, perhaps to
demand for an explanation. But he didn’t,
which further surprised and alarmed me.
_____
AN HOUR AND HALF LATER
With a fast beating heart, i dutifully carried
two plates of beans to Samuel’s room.
Since he failed to show up and have his
lunch in mine, i had no choice than to take
the food to his room.
He allowed me into his room with a sneer
on his face, while i smiled nervously as i
dropped the two plates on the rug.
“Can you explain the scene i just witnessed
hours ago?” he instantly asked coldly. I
swallowed hard and stared at him, clueless
on how to explain the scene Emmanuel and
i created. I remorsefully looked down and
said nothing.
Surprisingly, he advanced and pushed me
violently. I fell and somersaulted on his
bed, while his fist closed in on me before i
could even recover from the shock his
violent push gave me. I held my breathe
and closed my eyes.
Samuel isn’t a violent person, I guess it
was all my fault. Yet i felt very bitter and
blamed him for concluding without proper
investigation.
I closed my eyes as i nervously waited for
his fist to land on me. But after waiting for
some seconds, i opened my eyes and saw
him staring at me with hatred and rage.
I instantly turned and attempted to run
back to my room. He grabbed my hand and
violently tossed me back on his bed.
“What has come over you, control yourself
jor, things are really not as they seem” i
murmured as i struggled with him, trying to
defend myself. He just scoffed, shook his
head and bit his lips.
“I know what i saw Mary, or were my eyes
lying when i saw you alight from that guy’s
car, or was i dreaming, abeg tell me?” he
shouted angrily,
“I have been a fool to believe your cooked
and bull story about ending things with him
your own way, i guess you were doing it
perfectly this afternoon or do you want to
tell me the guy i saw isn’t your ex, eeh??”
he barked
“Let me be jor, i see you haven’t learnt to
trust me after all i sacrificed in this
relationship” i shouted back, sat up and
dared him.
“Trust is a silly word you girls use to
deceive us, Mary i don’t trust you anymore”
he said coldly and bluntly. I felt insulted,
dirty and wounded. I never knew a day
would come when Samuel will talk back at
me more or less insult and humiliate me in
such manner.
“What did you just say?” i asked angrily,
“Your recent behaviours aren’t in anyway
decent, i don’t trust you my dear, read my
lips” he shouted disrespectfully. I drew
forward, slapped him and jumped out of his
bed.
“Since you no longer trust me, better keep
away from me” i barked angrily,
“I guess you have gotten the opportunity
you are waiting for huh? You are now free
to run into his arms” he taunted. I stared at
him with tears in my eyes.
“I have my pride and dignity, i will never be
insulted nor humiliated by anyone not even
by you, don’t come back begging” i
threatened and left his room.
I hated myself as i cried and ran to my
room that moment, but it was the only
thing i could do,
“How do i redeem myself, why is
Samuel behaving this way, how do i atone
for my sins, is it my fault that i still feel
something for Emmanuel, didn’t i do the
right thing by refusing his advances, why
am i being punished this way? GOD why??”
i cried..
-To be continued-